So I caved and bought a pair of hip plastic glasses several weeks ago, which I've been putting off purchasing for years because in 1994 I swore I would never wear plastic glasses again after getting teased about them all the time because only uber dorks wore plastic glasses, and then when all the cool kids started wearing them like ten years ago or whatever I was like "omg fuuuuuuuuuuck."
Let's face it: I used to be the type of person that wanted to blend in unnoticed, but it never really worked very well because I get all up in other people's business.
Whenever I like something fashionable everyone feels the need to point things out, like, "oh, aren't you trendy" and I'll blush angrily and snap, "YOUR FACE IS TRENDY" and then everyone will be all, "um, thank you?"
And then I reorient myself: comments about my appearance are not necessarily nefarious. Stop being a fashion philistine and apologize. Smile, slide your plastic frames down your nose and say, "Sorry. But yeah, I know, right? I am trend-machine. Next I'm getting a lightweight scarf that compliments my entire wardrobe without being too matchy." And we all have a good chuckle and high five and fucks given = ZERO.
Glibness alleviates my ironic detachment from a mere hipster aesthetic to the legit insecurity of a girl who has spent most of her life being mocked or marginalized and even, to this day, only knows how to prevent either of them by wearing her insecurity like an aggressive Derby bonnet.
This, of course, draws people to her. Why is that? There is enlightenment somewhere in there, I just don't know which direction to go.