But then again every year there are one or two people that do something so simple and clever that I nearly buy one just because they're rad, and not because I want one. But more often than not this anthropomorphism gets redundant instead of fantastic, and I feel tired.
I'm sorry to sound so bitter, but it's like...okay, it's like there are only so many times I can have the exact same fucking conversation about craft beers, where I get repeatedly told that I don't like IPAs because I've never had a real IPA, and they are going to introduce me to real IPA because obviously I am incapable of trying new beers on my own.
Thank goodness I have these people to guide me. By the way, also, thanks for calling me a snob in 2005 when you told me to drink 'real beer' while you sipped your Bud Light.
The most frustrating thing about that conversation, though is that I am that person too, the one who says things like, "if you don't like bloody marys, then you've never had a real bloody mary." Hell, I did that two weeks ago. And I do this with movies goddamn constantly.
Then again, beers are far different than movies. I'm 1000% guilty of telling people they base their opinions on the wrong movies: "I know you say you don't like sci-fi, but that's because you're watching shitty sci-fi. You can't just throw the whole fucking genre in the garbage because you didn't 'get' Johnny Mnemonic."
Anyway, we're walking through Renegade looking for food, and everything is covered with the latest version of "roasted cauliflower" (the fact that "cauliflower" is a 2012 trend blows my fucking mind) and something that's pickled. Everyone is pickling their shit. It's crazy.
|Jean's style transcends gender.|
A plea to men: I applaud your efforts to be fashion forward and murder sartorial stereotypes. Congrats! But if it's imperative that you dress like a Godard film, I would really, really, really appreciate it if you picked a character played by Jean-Paul Belmondo, and it's not because you're dudes and he's a dude...it's because he is a sexy dude. Be sexier is what I'm saying.
Also? Your TOMS look fucking stupid and they always have.
Because I'm nosey and fascinated by things I don't understand, I listen to Couple No. 1 gush over their last date at some restaurant (that probably serves pickled cauliflower), when the gentleman from Couple No. 2 interrupts them.
"You know what?" he said with complete sincerity. "I don't think I've ever actually had pheasant heart before."
"Oh, you have to go [here, to whatever new asshole restaurant just opened], then. It's awesome. I wouldn't even consider ordering it anywhere else."
Fucking paupers. I eat at least three pheasant hearts a day. I juggle them like fresh cats from the corner apothecary and swallow them whole.